Photo of a woman with her hands covering her nose and mouth in a gesture of fearfulness

Fear - your friend or your foe?

What are you most afraid of? It could be anything – bugs and spiders, the dark, growing old, rejection, what might happen to your family, confrontation, dying, money, ill-health, global warming… the list of things to worry about could go on and on.

It’s worth remembering that fear is a useful emotion. It protects you against unnecessary risks. Panic helps you move quickly to escape from danger.

But, like any emotion, if fear becomes a dominant part of your life, it can have a negative effect. Fear can be a friend – and it can be a foe. Fear can limit your ability to gauge risks, meaning you don’t venture outside your house. It can literally paralyse you with panic attacks.

Your fears may affect your relationships – with your friends, partner, children or other members of the family. For example, being over-protective can cause children to withdraw. They may become secretive about their activities and become more distant, putting a strain on your relationship.

If you’re finding fear is beginning to control your life and affect your family, here are seven steps to taking back control:

1. Take time out
You can’t think clearly when you’re overwhelmed by fear or anxiety. Adrenalin will make your heart race, and you’ll start sweating and feel panicky and confused. An important thing to do is to take time out to physically calm down.

2. Do something calming
Take a short walk (about 15 minutes), or put the kettle on. Placing the palm of your hand on your stomach and breathing slowly and deeply helps soothe the body. When you’re calmer, you’ll feel better able to decide on the best way to deal with your situation.

3. Go back to basics
A good sleep, a wholesome meal and some gentle exercise are often the best ways to shrug off fear. Before you go to sleep, avoid telly or the computer – this kind of stimulation will make you more awake. Try reading a boring book instead!

4. Ask yourself: “Is this fear rational?”
Some fears are legitimate. Some aren’t. But those ‘irrational fears’ (often called phobias) can exert a strong influence on your life. If you’re phobic about something – if your fear is affecting your day-to-day life – it’s worth seeking professional help sooner rather than later. See your GP. They may refer you to another professional, who will have expertise in helping people overcome their phobias. With support, you can be set free from your phobia.

5. Visualise yourself somewhere safe
Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine a place of safety and calm. It could be lying in the sun on a beautiful beach, or snuggled up on the settee. Let the positive feelings soothe you until you feel more relaxed.

6. Talk about it
Telling someone else about your fears makes them less scary. Partners, friends or family members can help with smaller stuff. For bigger fears, talk to your GP who may refer you to a counsellor or specialist. And always remember that the Samaritans are available 24 hours a day. Their phone number is 08457 90 90 90.

7. Enjoy your success
It can be tough to stand up to your fears – but psychologist and author Marilyn Ferguson comments that “the other side of every fear is a freedom.” Often the feeling of freedom which comes from conquering your fear is exhilarating. Punch the air! Let out a whoop! Allow yourself to enjoy your triumph.

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This information is supplied in good faith, but Care for the Family cannot accept responsibility for any advice or recommendations made by other organisations or resources.

Fear - your friend or your foe?

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