Things parents need to know about Social Networking

Social networking sites such as Facebook, Bebo and FriendFeed are often an area of teenage life that for many parents and teachers is hazy to say the least – and sometimes a complete mystery. They are somewhere where teenagers can swap ideas, gossip and photographs, and drool over their pop idols away from the prying eyes of adults.

The sites are all different, but the first step is to register your name, address, email and phone number. You then design a personal profile or homepage in your own style, which may cover things like your favourite music, bands, films, photographs and artwork. You can choose to make this profile available only to invited friends, but if you make this page public the information is open to any other registered user.

Potential dangers and risks

It’s not hard to understand why this is so popular with teenagers. Will Gardner, the research and policy manager for Childnet, put it like this: “These sites can be fantastic environments for kids. They can express themselves, talk about their music tastes and what’s bothering them, and communicate with each other.” But there is a downside – and of particular concern are the potential dangers and risks involved and the lack of awareness some children might have.

Whereas the challenge of the Internet used to be to prevent children accessing unsuitable content, teenagers are now producing their own content which may have inherent dangers. It was this that worried Linda Wybar, the headteacher of a girls’ school in Kent. More than seven hundred of her pupils have signed up to Bebo, but she called in the police when she discovered that some of them were not only revealing personal details, but posting photographs of themselves on it that she considered ‘indecent’.

One sixteen-year-old girl had submitted a photograph of herself in a swimsuit on her bed and had given enough personal information for a reporter from the Daily Mail^* to discover her address and phone number within minutes. The fact is that many teenagers elect to have their homepage public and therefore open to any other registered user.

According to police sources, more than fifty thousand sexual predators are thought to be online at any one time. And of the eight million children in the UK with access to the Internet, one in twelve says they have gone to meet someone whom they initially encountered online.

You may say, “Not my teenager!” But are you sure? And how would you know? It is estimated that over 60 per cent of thirteen- to seventeen-year-olds in the UK have personal pages on social networking sites. Of these, 46 per cent claim to have given out personal information, while only 5 per cent of their parents realised this. A third of them have received unwanted sexual or offensive comments – though again only 5 per cent of parents had any knowledge of this.

Facing a dilemma

What an incredible dilemma this is for parents. Even when we come to realise the dangers, it’s not easy to know what to do about it: but do something we must. This is not marginal: it affects the lives of most teenagers – probably your teenager.

I quite understand that if your child is fifteen and has been using the Internet almost as much as they have been eating, then the chances of their accepting a tutorial from a parent (even if we could give it!) are slight. Nevertheless, knowledge doesn’t always mean they will act wisely, and even with older teens it’s well worth finding out what they are doing on the web and trying to help them create a safe environment. With younger children especially, it’s important to get involved at the very beginning.

Here are some steps to help you:

• Encourage your child to use a chat room that requires registration the first time you visit. These are more likely to have ‘moderators’ – people who keep an eye on what is going on and have the ability to exclude people who are breaking the rules.
• Explain that even after they have registered, they should never give out their email address or phone number to somebody they don’t know. They should also be careful not to give out their friends’ details.
• Some sites allow children to build up a list of ‘selected friends’. These are other users that your children trust and allow to chat with them. Talk with your children about what they might want to be sure of before they invite somebody to join their ‘selected friends’.
• Warn your teenager to be aware of somebody who wants to get too close too soon – perhaps someone asking for personal details (such as an address or phone number) or someone who wants them to send a photograph or use the webcam, or who sends photographs of themselves which make your teenager feel uncomfortable.
• Sending photos is fine – to people your teenagers actually know. But remind them that they should never send their photograph to somebody who is just an ‘Internet friend’. In many ways these people are still strangers and may have been deceptive about themselves. Also remind them that when they send a photo via their mobile phone, they are normally sending their mobile phone number as well.
• Tell them to always let you know if somebody has made them feel uneasy – perhaps by inappropriate language or suggestions. Incidents can be reported to your service provider or to the Child Exploitation and Online Protection centre at www.ceop.gov.uk
• Remind your child that they should only meet face to face with somebody they have ‘met’ online if they have an adult they trust present – and then only in a public place.
• Warn them about chatting online with somebody who is obsessed with secrecy. They may insist you don’t tell anyone about their chats with you or ask you to keep details of a proposed meeting secret.
• Remember that even though most teenagers would prefer to have a computer in their bedroom with Internet access, this may not be wise. Having a computer in the living room or somewhere else where people are coming and going makes it a little harder to get into trouble.
• Consider installing filtering software that prevents your teenager entering sites that you don’t wish them to. Remember, though, that most teenagers will have access to the web at Internet cafés or friends’ houses – which is why it’s essential they understand why the safety rules are important.

The UK Children Go Online report stated that restricting Internet access to our teenagers is a poor strategy for minimising risks. I think they are right, but the dangers are real, nevertheless. This is an area where, as parents, we have to do our homework, get up to speed – and get involved.

^*Neil Sears, ‘Paedophile warning over teen websites bebo and MySpace’, Daily Mail, 3 July 2006

This article was adapted from Teenagers! What Every Parent Has to Know, by Rob Parsons – you can order your copy here.