Attachment: why it’s important and what we can do

‘They grow so fast’ is a parenting cliché as old as the hills, but it’s also true … and never truer than in the first few years of life. By the age of one a child’s brain has already grown to 72% of the average size of an adult brain. And at age two the connections that are being formed in a child’s brain are happening about twice as fast as in an adult’s brain.

What we do as parents in these early years of life is crucial. Our children’s brains are highly susceptible to our influences, so it’s important we give our children the love, care and attention they need. Helping our children develop a secure attachment to us in the early years is the foundation for their healthy physical, emotional and social growth and for a lifelong positive relationship between us.

So what can we do? How can we parent in a way that will help our children feel happier and cope better with life’s ups and downs? Here are some ideas:

Looking and smiling

Eyes are a powerful bonding tool and young children love looking at faces. So make as much eye contact as you can and smile. If you generally have a loving expression they will feel lovable and good about themselves.

Kind words

Communicate with your children by talking, singing and reading to them. Describe what you see around about you and what your child is doing. Try to notice how your child might be feeling and comment on that, e.g. you’re laughing, you find that funny, you seem a little sad. Ask questions – even before they are old enough to answer.

Physical contact

Children need lots of appropriate physical touch to help them feel loved and secure. Feeding, changing and playing are great opportunities, but also give your child regular cuddles.

Crying and comfort

Children cry for many reasons; they could be hungry, uncomfortable, tired, frightened, bored, lonely, sick, frustrated or jealous. Tears can be their way of communicating. Try not to lose your patience; getting cross won’t help. Instead, comfort your child by picking them up, cuddling them, carrying them around – so they don’t feel alone. If you do find it all gets a bit too much find somebody you can talk to and take advice from a medical professional.

Having fun

Playing with our children can be great fun, it builds our relationship with them and helps them to develop social and language skills. Sharing in their enjoyment and success can stimulate their desire to explore and their capacity for joy. Sit with your child, but don’t take over. Allow them to lead and make positive comments about what they’re doing.

A safe place

Have you ever seen your child checking to see if you’re watching? Exploring the world is an important part of their development, but to do it confidently they need a secure place to return to. When your child wanders off to explore watch them to ensure they stay safe, and when they turn to look for you, smile and wave. Give them a hug when they return.

All of these ideas will need to be adapted according to the age of your children. And, of course, we can all make mistakes. Sometimes we’ll be distracted or tired or snappy. None of us is perfect, but if we can parent with these principles as much as possible throughout the early years of our children’s lives we will give the best opportunity for their brains to grow on a foundation of love and security.