“It was almost beyond my endurance” is a quote from Alison Wertheimer’s book ‘A Special Scar – The Experiences of People Bereaved by Suicide’. It conveys the emotions felt by someone who has lost a loved one from suicide or other sudden, traumatic death.
When our partner dies, whatever the cause of their death, the feelings can seem overwhelming. And when the death occurs suddenly or traumatically, some feelings can become particularly intense.
Other issues can also arise, which may be particularly difficult to deal with, for example:
It is particularly important that you take steps to allow yourself time to grieve. You also need to be particularly gentle and kind to yourself at this time. Here are some suggestions to help you do this:
You may still be in the position where you think “it’s almost beyond my endurance”, but the quote mentioned earlier from Alison Wertheimer’s book goes on to say, “Yet nevertheless, we do endure and we do laugh, and we do go on contributing to our family and friends, and that, I suppose, is the miracle.”
Remember, there is always hope. You can survive and find a new meaning in your life.
An excellent resource called ‘Help is at Hand’ is available to download. It is produced by the Department of Health specifically for those bereaved by suicide and sudden, traumatic death.
Please remember that Care for the Family is also here for you. Many of the Widowed Young Support telephone befrienders have also suffered a traumatic bereavement, so, although you may think it would be too difficult to talk to anyone about the particular circumstances of your bereavement, there are others who have some understanding and who have survived. We always try to match befrienders with people who have had a similar bereavement, so please call us on (029) 2081 0800 if you would like to talk to someone.
This information is supplied in good faith, but Care for the Family cannot accept responsibility for any advice or recommendations made by other organisations or resources.
At Care for the Family we support couples, parents and those who have been bereaved. If you would be able to make a one off donation to support our work, we would be very grateful. Thank you.